Sometimes Erasing Doesn't Make You Feel Any Better

While on a little outing today with the kiddos, I became overwhelmingly frustrated with their actions and lack of obedience to my instructions. I even yelled. Yes, Lisa Love yells at her children sometimes. I try really hard not to. I know it is one of the surest ways of destroying the respect and love they hopefully have for me. But some times it just comes out of me and then I must pick up the pieces and start again.

When we got home Lizzy gave me a big hug and told me she was sorry for being so uncontrollable today. My heart melted and we sat and talked for a long time while I apologized for yelling and we patched things up. She's so much better than I am at so many things. I realized that I wasn't yelling at my children, I was yelling at myself because when they are disobedient I feel so inadequate and wonder what I am doing wrong and it all gets jumbled in my head and I end up wishing I could erase what just happened.

Later, Lizzy wanted to write a letter to her friend Saige who is moving away from Yuma today. Lizzy has become pretty good at writing letters. I sit next to her, she tells me what she wants to say and I tell her how to spell the words. We didn't get too far today though. She got stuck on the S in her friend's name. She wrote an S and then erased it because she didn't think it was good enough. She did this over and over until she was ready to give up. I assured her that she was doing a wonderful job but that didn't help. She just said, "I'm tired of erasing. I want to get it right the first time."

Boy can I understand that desire. I'm tired of erasing all of my frustrated mommy actions and hoping I'm not damaging my children too much while I'm learning how to do this eternally significant job. On-the-job training isn't all it's cracked up to be when your test subjects aren't really "test" subjects, but the real thing. Needing to erase and erase and erase is getting to be a drag. I want to get it right the first time - like mother, like daughter huh? And it's not just mommy things, it is just day to day life that keeps needing to be erased!! :) I must be mortal or something!

Here's where the Savior steps in (actually He was there all along.) I love Him. He knows everything about me and He still loves me. He still believes in me. He is still cheering me on and routing for me to succeed, because He knows I still can. He is my dearest, truest, most loyal friend (not to mention that all important title of Redeemer and Savior.) With Him by my side, I can pick up the pencil again, erase my mistake again and keep going. I guess He sits by me like I sit by Lizzy. I tell Him what I want to accomplish and He helps me get it right. I am so grateful for His patience. Even more wonderful is that every single one of us could say the same things about Him - He loves us all.

I guess in an eternal perspective, I'm just a preschooler.

"For earth you see is a school of sorts, where we have come to learn. We remain only a little time before we must return."