To A Group Who Feels Invisible

 I posted this on my other blog but I feel very strongly the need to post this here as well. If you are a Relief Society President or in some other leadership position at church or if you are just someone who wants to be Christlike and understanding of all situations - PLEASE READ - all of it! There are many different types of RELIEF needed in these last days. I promise some cheerful posts after this one. :) 

Let's talk about pornography.

That was a great intro huh? Some of you are about to click off this blog because you are turned off by this topic, but please don't. I hope you will keep reading and open your mind and heart to what I have to write.

Some of you (actually a lot of you) may be dealing with this in your own home but no one would ever guess how much you are suffering. Am I right? I've talked with enough of you to know that there are many, many of you out there hiding in plain sight. I have seen the deep, deep pain in your eyes.

Even if you are not dealing with this, someone you love is (whether you know it or not.) That person is silently dying inside. Please read so that maybe you can offer love and understanding to someone who is smiling on the outside but is convinced they are all alone on the inside. What I am going to write will be in very general terms. I am aware there are varying degrees within this addiction and not everyone has this exact same experience but I'm thinking that what I'm about to write is probably the norm, rather than the exception.

This is not a post written about or to the one who is addicted - there is plenty of that, as well there should be. I'm writing to a different group affected by porn addiction - a group who is often overlooked or just patted on the shoulder and told to "hang in there"...

I am going to write to those who are married to, or are parented by someone who is addicted to pornography. You see, pornography doesn't just destroy the one addicted - it can DESTROY the whole family on an individual basis and as a whole. (My comments will be toward wives, but let me say that there is a growing number of husbands who are dealing with a wife who is addicted to pornography. I have never personally spoken with one so I do not know exactly how they feel but I'm guessing it is somewhat the same - maybe worse.)

You are all so different, yet you have so much in common. You are young. You are not so young. You are newly married, or married for 40 years. You are a leader at church and in many other areas or you are someone who keeps completely to yourself. You have several children or you don't have any. You are rich. You are poor. You are highly educated or not. You could be any woman, because this addiction is so accessible and so easy to hide and it doesn't care what one's educational, socioeconomic, political or religious views are.  It is a heat seeking missile just looking for a warm body to destroy.

I have come to see pornography as a highly contagious disease which will pass from the one addicted to the spouse and to the children. It is a silent, deadly killer - not just for the one who looks at the porn. If you are dealing with this, you know that what I'm writing is true. And it isn't deadly for the reasons most people would think. It isn't necessarily about you feeling like you can't compete with the unrealistic view of a woman's or a man's body. I don't even really know what it is, but it is so much more than that. It is one of satan's craftiest and most deadly weapons. It hurts!!!!!!! Like your heart has been ripped out of your chest, stomped on and then rung till it's dry! And a person can only take that so many times before their own heart becomes sick and they start demonstrating their own symptoms.

You don't want to tell anyone, because you are afraid someone will misjudge your spouse and you and your family. You don't want to tell anyone because you are afraid someone will point fingers at you and say one of the following:

 "Well, you married him. Make it work."
"Are you making sure ALL of his NEEDS are being met?" (you know what I mean)
"He's a guy. Guys do that!"
"This is not that big of a deal. At least he's not having an affair."
"Well you're not perfect either."
"Why do you stay married to him? If it's that bad get out."

The list goes on.

If your husband was a scum bag, it would be easy to "get out" but for the most part, those men (and women) who are addicted to porn are good upstanding individuals and no one would ever, ever pick them out as a porn addict. This is what makes porn addiction such a silent, deadly killer. Not even all those who are addicted realize how they are being destroyed.

There are good times and bad in this addiction. Sometimes, when the bad is really bad, your husband tells you he is going to quit. You want to trust him. You want to support him and it seems for a while that things are different. He is happy and kind and your heart thinks everything is going to be okay. But then you start noticing the tell tale signs in his behavior - the grumpiness, secrecy, irritability, depression and you know, he doesn't even need to tell you, you know he has been looking at porn again. Your heart sinks lower than it was before - which you didn't think was possible.

You don't trust your husband to be alone anywhere. You are suspicious every time he gets on a computer or goes out alone somewhere. You don't want to be a babysitter. You are aware he is an adult and he has the agency to make his own choices but some of the choices he makes with his agency hurt you, terribly. So you feel like you have to keep track of his every move - even if just to protect you and your family.

You feel so alone. So alone.

People go on and on about getting help for the one addicted. But you feel so unnoticed, so invisible in the mists of darkness surrounding the addiction. You are told to support and encourage and forgive and if they only knew how much you already do all of that.

Is there anyone out there to support and encourage and uplift you? Anyone who recognizes your own wounded heart? Anyone?
The answer is a resounding YES!!!

In the Garden of Gethsemane the Savior suffered ALL things...

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of EVERY kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people" Alma 7:11

Your addicted spouses are not the only ones who need Jesus Christ. He did not just suffer for them. Somehow, in the Garden of Gethsemane, for a brief moment, He became you. He discovered what it was like to feel your pains and your heartaches. He thoroughly comprehended you and His love and understanding of you became perfect. He is your dearest, truest most loyal friend.

He sees you through those mists of darkness that surround this addiction. He hears the silent groanings  of your heart that you dare not share with anyone. He hears you cry yourself to sleep at night. He notices you comfort your children or even your husband when your own heart is the one who needs the comfort. And although you may feel like you are forcing yourself to make it through one day at a time on your own - He is the one holding you up and will continue to hold you for as long as is necessary. 

"Come unto me, all ye that labour an dare heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and  ye shall find rest unto your souls.
"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

He doesn't have to be the only one there for you.

There are so many different ways we can be wounded in the battle for our souls. Sometimes we are the ones helping the wounded and sometimes we are the ones wounded. If someone you know is fighting this very private war, do not judge them. Just love them. If you are someone who is being fired upon with the fiery darts of pornography - pray to find someone to trust...and then trust them. I know that is easier said than done but trust me when I say that satan loves nothing more than to see you trying to endure this in silence. 
he knows it will be near impossible for you to do this without your wounds growing so painful you may end up with your own destructive way of dealing with the pain.

WE MUST HELP EACH OTHER MAKE IT HOME!

Safe Harbors

Michael McLean

There are refugees among us
That are not from foreign shores;
And the battles they are waging
Are from very private wars.
And there are no correspondents
Documenting all their grief,
But these refugees among us all
Are yearning for relief.

There are refugees among us.
They don't carry flags or signs.
They are standing right beside us
In the market check out lines;
And the war they've been fighting
It will not be televised,
But the story of their need for love
Is written in their eyes.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.

Can you see through their disguises?
Can you hear what words won't tell?
Some are losing faith in Heaven
'Cause their life's a living Hell.
Is there anyone to help those
Who have no where else to flee?
For the only arms protecting them
belong to you and me.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.
Can you feel the pleas of the refugees
For safe harbors of the heart?

A while back I wrote that I feel a need to tackle some tough topics on this blog and show how the Gospel of Jesus Christ can help us overcome anything. My first "tough topic" was about infertility. You can read that post by clicking here.

Infertility is a painful issue and one that is hard to talk about for those who struggle with this problem. I was recently talking to a friend about this. She mentioned that she knows a woman who longs for children but she feels like this friend doesn't want to talk about her feelings because she never brings it up. My comment was, "She does want to talk about it, she just doesn't know what to say and she is probably afraid of either crying her eyes out or saying something she will regret and she doesn't want anyone to pity her. So she just doesn't say anything."

That comment could be said of so many private issues, including pornography. The difference is, and I hope this makes sense, infertility is one of those problems that people see as "heroic". You are admired because of your strength and faith in God. For some reason living in a marriage where your spouse is addicted to pornography doesn't seem as "heroic". The truth is, it is heroic. It is extremely heroic as you hold your family together despite the unrelenting battle that is being waged against your family.

You are incredible and I'm not the only one who thinks so!

PS - To Those Who Are Severely Wounded

You knew it was too good to be true...you thought I was done. But no, my thoughts still swirl and my heart still aches for some of my fellow soldiers who are, at this time, among the severely wounded.

Sometimes Erasing Doesn't Make You Feel Any Better

He Lives To Love

Read This Several Times Until It Sinks In...

Part 6 - On To The Victory

(Please read Parts 1-5 before reading this Part 6)
As mentioned in Part 4, as the Savior was suffering in Gethsemane, He asked that His disciples "stay awake" so that they could be there to support Him through His ordeal. They did not stay awake and from them we must learn a valuable lesson. We do not condemn them, they were mortal as are we, but we can learn from them as I'm sure they would have us do.

What does it mean to "stay awake" in relation to being there for others. I could preach and preach about this (as you well know!) but I'm going to share two stories instead. Two stories of two women who were spiritually "awake" when someone needed them.

A few months ago I became very ill. I actually blogged about my sick days here. Troy was out of town, of course, and so I had my two very, very active children to take care of for five days by myself. The Monday of my sickness, I was supposed to teach a regularly scheduled adult institute class, but there was no way I was going to be able to do this. So, luckily, I found a willing angel to teach the class for me.

A regular student in my class just lives around the corner from me, so she thought she would stop by with some dinner to help me out that day. She went home from class, whipped up a DELICIOUS meal and brought it to me. During the course of our short conversation, I mentioned that Troy was out of town. That was all she needed to hear. She immediately scooped up my children, took them to McDonald's, the park and back to her house. I think she had them for about 3 hours. When they finally came home, she had loaded them up with at least 20 DVD's they could watch while I slept.

Here is what is so wonderful, Julie Luke (yes, I did name you by name!) is not my Visiting Teacher. She is not the Relief Society president or the compassionate service leader. She has no specific stewardship over me except for keeping her baptismal covenants - which she did beautifully that day.

The second story was shared by a woman in our Relief Society lesson this past Sunday. As I listened to this story I knew I had to share it as part of this whole...whatever this is I'm writing - book?!

This woman was out and about running errands one day with her four small children when she noticed a young man from her ward, completely drunk. Okay, here is where the story gets amazing already. Her heart just wouldn't let her leave that boy behind. How many of us would have walked past him thinking,"I have four small children to take care of. Someone else will have to help him today." OR "Holy Cow! Would you look at him! That boy has problems." OR "His parents have no control over him." OR even worse, how many of us would have gone home that day and called our friend to tell her what we saw, and then talked for an hour about how that boy will never amount to anything and we would NEVER let our children do something like that? Hmmm?

This amazing sister - who by the way, didn't think she was being amazing at the time, she was just following her heart - stopped with her four children and told him she was going to get him home. He said he would only go with her if his friend could come too. Apparently his friend was a big dude. She felt a little nervous but said okay.

She took them home, only to discover that the boy's parents weren't home. Her husband was out of town at the time and she didn't feel she could just hang out with her four kids until his parents arrived home so she called someone to come take over. Later that evening, she was able to contact the parents, who, of course, were so grateful for her kindness. (Does this sound familiar? Luke 10:25-37)

Years later, when that boy was married in the temple, he invited her to the temple ceremony. Her actions that day are probably not why the boy ended up fixing his life and getting back on the path - it takes so much more than that. But she did exactly what the Savior would have done and that had to have made an impact. I wonder if the Lord sent her to that boy that day, knowing she would not shy away from what needed to be done. By the way...think of the amazing lesson she taught her children that day - actions speak so much louder than words.

Both of these women were "awake" when the Spirit whispered that someone needed help. They rolled up their sleeves and did what needed to be done even though it wasn't convenient, or easy or part of an assigned responsibility. They saw a fellow soldier who was wounded and needed some help and they weren't afraid to get their hands dirty.

I wish I could say that I am the perfect example of what I'm preaching here. I'm not. News flash, I'm mortal - to my great dismay sometimes. We are all mortal and what did the Savior say about us, "...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matt 26:41

"The first step on the path of discipleship begins, luckily enough, in the exact place where we stand!" President Uchtdorf, "The Way of the Disciple" Ensign, May 2009. I must start where I am - not worrying about the past but pushing forward with a daily renewal of a desire to serve the Lord by serving others. I must pray daily to "stay awake".

The Book of Mormon relates an amazing tale of 2000 young men who fought valiantly and had faith that God would deliver them. The miraculous survival of every single one of those young men is told over and over, as well it should be. But I've become increasingly more interested in the fact that although every single warrior survived, every single warrior also received "many wounds" (Alma 57:25)

I do not joy in their pain, quite the contrary, but I think it applicable to us in these latter-days fighting a spiritual war. We will all be wounded one way or another. All of us. But we can all survive and eons from now, it is not our wounds that will define us, just as the 2000 stripling warriors are not remembered for their many wounds. They are remembered because they survived and they survived together and so can we. Once again, it is no accident that we are all on this battle field at the same time. It is all for a wonderfully, supporting, surviving reason.

"Christ lived on earth and was subject to all manner of temptation, but He won every battle. He is the most successful warrior that ever walked the earth, and He wants to help us win every battle, be it personal or public. When we fall short, His atonement will compensate for us on condition of our repentance.

"Jesus knows His kingdom will triumph, and He wants us to triumph with it. He knows in advance every strategy the enemy will use against us and the kingdom. He knows our weaknesses and He knows our strengths." President Ezra Taft Benson, "In His Steps", Ensign, September 1988

I fear if I don't end now, I will get to Part 20 before I run out of words to write. I had no idea when I started writing all of this what it would do for me personally. My desire to follow the counsel found here has increased dramatically. My understanding of WHY we must serve others has deepened. My testimony is this...Jesus Christ WILL come again. When that will be, no man knows. but of this I am certain. When He does, He will lock satan up (Rev. 20 1-6 and 1 Nephi 22:26 YES!!) and then He will dry our tears and heal our hearts, expand our joys and teach us about peace. What is even more wonderful, He can do that for each of us right now. He is my dearest, truest, most loyal friend. I love Him and our Father.

"Brethern, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren and on, on to the victory!" (D&C 128:22)

Please, please read "You Are My Hands" by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in the May 2010 Engisn AND "Act In All Diligence" by President Henry B. Eyring, May 2010 Ensign

Part 5 - The Connection

(Please read parts 1- 4 before reading this Part 5)
The thoughts I have expressed in this post series I have called "All For One and One For All - Surviving the Battle For Our Souls", are thoughts I shared in a Sacrament meeting talk in May. In my current church responsibility, I often have the opportunity to speak in various church meetings. For this particular meeting, I had been given the assignment to talk about the service Relief Society sisters offer to others. I had been pondering some ideas in my head for this talk but really had no direction. As I sat down to write the talk, I said a simple prayer asking for guidance and after only 15 minutes, the talk was written. That doesn't usually happen. (It was only 10 minutes long - obviously, I've dug deeper on the blog.)

If the Spirit hadn't guided me, I don't know that I would have completely connected Parts 1-3.5 with Part 4 and then finally with what I am going to write here in Parts 5 and 6. Now that I see the connection clearly, I can't believe I didn't see it earlier. I had seen glimpses of the connection but it is amazing how the light of inspiration can bring so much clarity. (And yet, I am fully aware that there is still so much more to learn - as always.)

We return back to those fateful last hours of the Savior's life. From the ashes of His inexplainable pain, came His understanding of...well, everything and everyone, but for our purposes today, we will explore how His complete comprehension of our mortal minds and hearts has lead to the commandments to love one another by fulfilling modern day assignments such as visiting teaching and home teaching and to fulfill our baptismal covenants to "bear one another's burdens" (Mosiah 18:8). It's not just busy work. It is real work; it is hard work and it is the work the disciples of Jesus Christ must be about every single day because it is the work of LOVE - and love, love, love has an amazing power to help us survive the battle in which we are all engaged.

Out on that battle field, we are each fighting our own individual battles. Each person and each family is dealing with the responsibility of building up the walls of defense around their homes. Satan will look for any weak spot in our fortifications, therefore a constant vigil must be kept to protect ourselves and our families. This isn't easy and if we are not careful, a weak spot will be found and then the battle will intensify significantly.

Here is the reality, if you think a person or a family is not struggling in the battle, then you don't know that person or family very well. NONE OF US IS EXEMPT! None of us. Thus, the Savior commands us, when we are baptized to "bear one another's burdens, mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Mosiah 18:8) He doesn't do this just to keep us out of trouble - although serving others can do that. He doesn't do this just to teach us valuable lessons - although serving others can do that. He doesn't do this just because He knows how it will help us with our own problems - although serving others definitely can do that. Remember, He has been to our darkest places - and He did it alone. He knows what it is like to fight the battle ALONE and He doesn't want any of us to have to endure the same loneliness. So He asks us to do more than just be nice. He gives us assignments at church in which we have stewardship over others and even more specifically, He simply asks us to visit two or three sisters or families each month to see how they are fairing in the battle.

So, in your mind's eye, envision yourself as a home teacher or a visiting teacher, dressed in full battle armor (because it is wise to never take it off), approaching a family's fortress once a month. Now, you have your own fortress to take care of, but we're all in this together and sometimes it takes someone standing at a different perspective to help us fix things up. There is nothing wrong with that. It seems pretty clear, when you think of how extensive and intense this battle can be, we can't do it alone. We simply cannot do it alone.

And maybe the family or sister is doing okay that month and doesn't really need help, except for a quick pep talk and a prayer (we can all use that on a daily basis). But sometimes, there may be a need, a huge need and the family feels overwhelmed with the pain of wounds they are dealing with but there you are, someone in whom they have learned to trust because of your integrity and they feel safe with you and you are ready and willing to help with love and no judgment - just an understanding that we are all wounded from time to time and healing can take place, especially because it is the Master Healer who sent you. You are on His errand and He will be by your side to help you know how to help this family not feel alone and forgotten. He knows how that feels, remember?

This is the work of Relief Society and of the Priesthood. Is the work you are doing as part of the RELIEF Society bringing relief to others? It isn't always easy work. It isn't always convenient or pretty or heroic. It isn't always heart warming and although dinners and humanitarian aid kits and quilts are a significant part of serving others, the battle is growing so fierce and the wounds are so great, it is requiring more spiritually minded, forgiving, loving and understanding disciples of Jesus Christ than ever before.

"It is not enough merely to speak of Jesus Christ or proclaim that we are His disciples. It is not enough to surround ourselves with symbols of our religion. Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessings of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not a primary way of worshipping." President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Way of the Disciple",Ensign, May 2009, pg 75.

And here is the clincher..."It does not require a calling more than being a member to nourish by reaching out in kindness." Henry B. Eyring, “Feeding His Lambs,” Liahona, Feb 2008, 2–7. Got that? We don't need to wait for an assignment to serve someone and there is no need for us to say something such as, "I am not her visiting teacher so I'll just leave that up to them." That is not what the Savior would do.

We must roll up our shirt sleeves and be willing to get in the thick of things. "Ours is not a secondhand religion. We cannot receive the blessings of the gospel merely by observing the good that others do. We need to get off the sidelines and practice what we preach." President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Way of the Disciple" (reference above.)

And as I wrote earlier, even if all you can do is pray for someone, then at least do that.

Part 4 - Stay Awake

(Please read parts 1-3.5 before reading this - so you'll know why I am writing these incredibly long posts! I must say that although I do not expect anyone to read every word here, this sure has helped my personal scripture study!)

As the Savior prepared to enter the Garden of Gethsemane, he took three of his disciples with Him. He did not want to go alone. He said to them, "...My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me," (Matt 26:38) in other words, He asked them to stay with Him because He didn't want to be alone, His pain was too great. In the foot note of this verse it says that "watch with me" means, "stay awake". He didn't just ask them to sit there and wait He actually wanted them to stay awake and be aware of what He was about to do. He truly needed companionship that night.

We all know the story. The disciples didn't stay awake. Twice during His ordeal, He left the garden, most likely needing a rest from the incomprehensible pain, to find his friends asleep. He said, "What, could ye not watch with me one hour?" (Matt: 26:40)

It is recorded that in the Garden, an angel was sent to strengthen Him (Luke 22:43). Jesus Christ, the Creator of the universe, needed a friend, someone to be by His side to help Him through Gethsemane.

"Later, in Gethsemane, the suffering Jesus began to be “sore amazed” (Mark 14:33), or, in the Greek, “awestruck” and “astonished. Imagine, Jehovah, the Creator of this and other worlds, “astonished”! Jesus knew cognitively what He must do, but not experientially. He had never personally known the exquisite and exacting process of an atonement before. Thus, when the agony came in its fullness, it was so much, much worse than even He with his unique intellect had ever imagined! No wonder an angel appeared to strengthen him! (See Luke 22:43.)" Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, May 1985 "Willing To Submit"

AND

"Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments...when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”

"The loss of mortal support He had anticipated, but apparently He had not comprehended this. Had He not said to His disciples, “Behold, the hour . . . is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me” and “The Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him”?

"With all the conviction of my soul I testify that He did please His Father perfectly and that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour...It was required; indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Ensign, May 2009 "None Were With Him"

As I think of those eternally significant moments when the Savior was enduring pain for which there is no adequate adjective to describe, when His friends couldn't stay awake and betrayed or denied Him, when He felt that even His father had left Him alone, I can't help but think of His words, "Love one another", "Judge not", "Feed my sheep", "...forgive all men", and feel that, yes, these are commandments, but I sense a pleading from Him in these words. An understanding of how lonely life can be and how wonderful it would have been to feel supported by His friends.

Somehow, in the Garden of Gethsemane, as He was enduring our "pains and afflictions and temptations of EVERY kind" (Alma 7:11), it is as if for a few moments He was each one of us, thoroughly comprehending us and seeing life through our eyes. How else was He able to say of those who beat Him, "Father, forgive them: for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

Can the same be said of us? I am guessing we don't always know how much we can hurt others or that those who hurt us don't always intend to do so. I'm also guessing that we truly do not understand how much we need each other and the power our influence can have - for good or bad."This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." (John 15:12-14)

To whomever may read this, now or in the future, I testify that Jesus Christ is our dearest, truest, most loyal friend. It is my belief that in the Garden, He personally went to your darkest, loneliest, scariest places and found A WAY OUT. Whatever trial you may be enduring, no matter the reason for that trial, when the Savior says "Come follow me" one interpretation may be, "I know the way out. I traveled this path before you and found the way out of this. Take my hand and never let go. I will get you out of here." "Broken Things To Mend" What's even more impressive, and what is important for us to remember, is that He says this to each one of us, those whom you feel deserve this love and those whom you feel don't deserve this love.

"...he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised." (Luke 4:18)

I have been brokenhearted, I have felt captive, I have been blind and I have felt bruised - and not just once and I'm sure it will happen again...and again. Each of us out on that battle field have felt this way and will feel this way again. We're all in this together. He knows the loneliness that comes when our friends "fall asleep" and so He just asks that we "stay awake".

(Ha, ha! You thought the title had to do with the challenge of getting through this long old post!)

Part 3.5 - The Words of Someone Wiser Than I

"Man Down"

This talk by President Henry B. Eyring, entitled "Man Down" is perfect! I wish I could be as eloquent as he. This talk, given in General Conference, April 2009, shed so much light on my thoughts and has inspired me to understand these concepts better.

Part 3 - Wounds

(Read Parts 1 and 2 before this post)

Remember this is a work in progress and after typing parts 1 & 2 I started thinking that I need to explain what I mean by "wounds". In this essay of sorts, my definition of wounds is the mental, emotional, spiritual and even physical evidence of trials in ones life. This is something I am just discovering and mulling over in my brain so I hope it makes sense...

In his book entitled "All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience", Neal A. Maxwell said that there are three types of trials in this life, 1. Facing the consequences of our own unrighteous choices. He actually said this is the most common reason for our trials and if we really sit down and think about it, He's right. 2. The natural vicissitudes that come from living in an imperfect world with imperfect bodies. We get sick, our hearts are broken by the unrighteous choices of others, and we are subject to natural disasters, discomfort due to the weather, political upheaval etc. 3. A loving Father chooses to school us so that we can learn and grow and deepen our understanding of His plan.

If you ask me, the lines between each of these types of trials blur together considerably. We live in an imperfect world where others make unrighteous choices that cause us pain and sorrow which, in turn, may cause us to make wrong choices as a way of masking the pain (we all do it!). We are then left to face the consequences of our own choices which were put in place by a loving Father who wants to help us grow - and that is just one scenario - there are tons and tons of ways these lines blur. For example, when my husband and I were waiting for children to come. 9 long years we waited and hoped and prayed - it hurt and it brought sorrow - we were wounded. All this despite the fact that we had complete faith and trusted the Lord. It still hurt. Did that happen because of our unrighteousness? I honestly don't think so. It probably had more to do with the fact that my body is imperfect because we live in an imperfect world and for some reason the Lord saw fit that that particular trial was what we needed to help us grow closer to Him. He was right - oh how He was right.

This is actually the reason why we must be patient with each other and never pass judgment unless we have all the facts and WE WILL NEVER HAVE ALL THE FACTS. That is why the Savior reserves the right to judge for Himself - He knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts, why we do what we do and how hard we struggle and He knows when we display private courage, integrity, forgiveness and understanding - even if no one else knows this about us.

Suffice it to say that we each have wounds. The sources of those wounds are as different as each of us. Often, it is a given that if someone is suffering from wounds caused by certain physical illnesses or natural disasters or the hurtful actions of others or anything that is not the person's fault, it is so much easier for us to offer aid and comfort.

But when someone is suffering because of the consequences of their own actions or they are enduring pain from "taboo" wounds, such as mental illnesses, it is much harder for us to do as the Savior requests - "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down and strengthen the feeble knees." I am just as much to blame as the next guy but I hope I'm learning to overcome this. We must be wise yes, but let us not mistake fear for wisdom - that is exactly how satan wants it.

Interestingly enough, the pain that has brought me the most sorrow in my life is the pain I have felt because of the things I have done that brought sorrow to others - especially my Savior. I have a feeling most people feel the same. It might just be that when we are suffering from those self-inflicted wounds, we need more help from those around us than at any other time.

Part 2 - The Battle

(If you haven't read Part 1, do so before reading Part 2)
I have hesitated writing this because I don't want to paint a picture of doom and gloom. I believe there is so much good in this world and so many reasons to have hope and feel joy. My understanding and testimony of the Plan of Salvation gives me every reason to have HOPE. However, just because one has hope and faith and a testimony, doesn't mean that life will be easy. In fact, often it means life may be harder because the Lord knows how much you want to be like Him, so some serious refining and purifying must take place.

Refining hurts. It hurts a lot and no one is exempt and we all go through refining in different ways. I am overwhelmed lately at how many friends I have who are struggling and not just with a hang nail or two. SERIOUSLY struggling with HARD, HARD, HARD experiences.

The battle metaphor seems to fit perfectly. "We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12

We are in a battle - a battle for our souls. In my mind I can see us all out on a battle field, our armor on, swords ready, willing to defend ourselves. As I look around, I see that we all have suffered wounds of varying degrees. We have scars indicating past battles and open wounds, evidence that the battle is still raging. I notice too that we are not on the battle field alone. Yes, "they who be with us are more than they who be with them", meaning there are legions of angels enlisted in our defense. But we are also standing there along side each other...for a reason.Satan would love nothing more than to have us judge, point fingers, gossip, back bite and not assist each other whatsoever. While out on that battle field, if we saw that one of our fellow soldiers had fallen and as we approached we saw the blood from his open wound, would we shout to the other soldiers, "Come see! This one is wounded. Can you believe the size of that wound? Look at all that blood. How did he let that happen? Stay away from him, he is no good any more. I am so disappointed in him."? OR would we just run around whispering to all of the other soldiers that so and so had been wounded and was lying there bleeding to death, with no intention of offering any help? No. We would not.

That sounds ridiculous because it is ridiculous. We would get down, bandage the soldier's wounds, make sure he knew we were there to help and do all we could to assist that fallen soldier. As the world grows more and more wicked and more and more of our fellow soldiers fall with serious wounds, we must spiritually, emotionally and mentally, assist each other.

Just as satan wants us to hurt each other, the Savior wants us to love and forgive and be gentle and kind with one another as we find our way Home. He said, "Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees." D&C 81:5Some may not want to be helped - or so they say. But a good soldier never leaves a man behind and if all you can do is kneel next to the wounded soldier and pray for him, then at least do that.

Part 1 - The Reason Why

I worry about so many things. When it comes to this blog, I worry that it seems like I brag about my children or that my posts are too long or even more so, that my posts are too serious and depress people.

But then a glimmer of light will shine through my worrying and I'll remember who this blog is ultimately for - my posterity. I want them to have no question as to how I felt about some things and how strongly I believed in some things and how life had taught me so many lessons that were of eternal consequence and most importantly, how much I love our Savior, Jesus Christ. The world is only going to become more wicked as each generation passes away. If I can offer even just one of my grandchildren a reason to stand for truth and righteousness, then I will know my writings here have not been in vain.

Also, though, this blog is for me. I don't pretend to be an experienced writer with a huge vocabulary and if it must be known, I am not the world's best speller - spell check is a wonderful invention. I wish I were a poet or song writer but I'm not. I often say that I need an editor because of the length of anything that I write. However, almost always, when I write something - whether it be about my adventures with my children or my personal thoughts and feelings - I am doing so because whatever I wrote was BURNING inside of me, begging to be set free. I have no idea how it will be received by others but writing is therapeutic for me and so I do it, often. :)

All of that is leading to an even much longer post about some things that have been on my mind and cultivating in my heart for some time now. It is super long so it will have to be in parts.

Disclaimer: This is a work in progress because I am a work in progress. I may return often and change this entire post eventually. I am writing from my own observations and ponderings. I am not an expert, I am merely a participant in this thing called life and this is what I have been observing lately. I learn and grow, change my ways and hopefully improve myself on a daily basis. Some lessons are learned the hard way and, unfortunately, I am no exception.